Sunday, November 30, 2014

Another small piece to the puzzle

This is in relation to The Meaning.  It's only a small piece of the whole puzzle but still a piece somehow.  It's the first time have seen a list like this before.  The full article has more "stuff" in it, and I've lifted a good portion of it here.  Italicized (and bulleted) is verbatim

In other news, have been riding scooter around recently.  All Hail the Scooter!  Will be having a multi-series post regarding that.

On to the Meat..

Strong Relationships

Use relationships to teach you how to be whole within.

  • Relationships aren’t about having another person complete you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently. 
This is soo true in what I've seen.  Relationships are for the mutual benefit of both (or more?) parties.  Ones that are mainly one sided might last awhile, but it's like running a marathon one legged, takes a huge amount of effort from the one leg.

See your partner for who he or she really is.

  • When you realize that more often than not you don’t really know your partner, you begin to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.
Most couples I see, at least on the surface, don't have this deep understanding of each other, and don't realize, or understand, what this truly means.  Nor do I truly understand what this means.  I feel that it's a special bond between two individuals where they just "know" each other subconsciously.

Be willing to learn from each other.

  • The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person.
I don't think this is limited to people, but rather our pets too.  I am going through this process with Olivia now and don't fully understand why she does some things.  Scatter and I bonded almost instantly, but she's a different matter.  Olivia and Scatter bonded well too, after she came out of her initial hiding.

Get comfortable being alone.

  • By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy, and whole.

If one is uncertain, or overly needy, about their role in a relationship, or even a slight bit unhappy, this undermines the whole relationship.  It's like building a Bugatti frame with aluminum foil (like Reynolds Wrap (nothing against them)).  Everything looks great in terms of the relationship, but at the slightest breeze everything crumples.

Look closely at why a fight may begin.

  • If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you’ll have a better sense of why you’re fighting—and likely will fight far less.
Am pretty sure this is another piece of The Meaning I have yet to uncover.  Some people have alluded to certain things but will find out the reason(s) soon enough as my conscious memory holds no clue.

Own who you are.

  • We generally grasp at romantic love because we’re yearning for something that is out of reach, something in another person that we don’t think we possess in ourselves. ... You can only get from another person what you’re willing to give yourself.
 Enough said here.

Embrace ordinariness.

  • After the fairy-dust start of a relationship ends, we discover ordinariness, and we often do everything we can to avoid it. The trick is to see that ordinariness can become the real “juice” of intimacy. The day-to-day loveliness of sharing life with a partner can, and does, become extraordinary.

Believe that this ties back into so many of the other items above.  For me, and my feeble thought process, this is the meat, the crux, of a relationship.  It's why, in most (if not all) of the long term relationships I've seen while RV'ing, couples still have that little spark in their eyes when they are near each other!

Expand your heart.

  • To create real intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you.
  • It’s easier to recognize the good in your partner when you’re connected to the good in yourself.
A good number of people seem to either overlook this step, or are blissfully unaware of it.  As a result of being unhappy with who we are, this translates directly into the relationship by not always recognizing the good your partner brings to you.

Focus on giving love.

  • The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.
Now that I can say this word, the ability to give, and receive true love is a massive part of any relationship, and impacts it in more ways than we know, or understand.  I am finding this out with Scatter and Olivia.

Let go of expectations.

  • You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else.
I think of this as being similar to watching (expecting) water to boil in a pot.  If you're expecting it to boil, it'll take forever to boil, while if walk away and do other things, it seems to boil of it's own accord (and quicker).  This is, in my mind, a very good analogy for expecting certain things in a relationship.


Nothing to quote here, but wanted to separate it.

Being around retirees most of the time has definitely opened my eyes to what real relationships are, how they work, and what makes them tick.  Not sure when, why, or how I'll use information have shared today, but who knows, life works in mysterious ways when we least expect it.

Time for a scooter ride!

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